With the rise of “grey divorce”, many women who married in more traditional times are now divorcing and facing a huge financial learning curve. What is even more startling is that millennial women (according to these figures released by UBS Global Wealth Management) are still happy to leave investing to their husbands. 56% of all married women leave major financial decisions and planning to their spouse, and 61% of millennial women leave investing decisions to their husbands. It seems it’s still difficult to break the link between financial literacy and masculine roles. It’s also possible that since men still out-earn women in many professions, women leave financial decisions to men because they believe in some way that it’s “his money”, not “our money.” This may also be the case for men who are homemakers and financially dependent on their spouses.

Getting to Grips with “Our Money”

Ironically, splitting up is the time it may finally may dawn on couples that their resources belong to both of them. Women (and men!) who have been dependent on partners may finally need to own their financial destinies by understanding how to manage the resources available to them. Mediation is a good venue for taking control of your financial destiny, because when you co-operate with your spouse, you can get a more objective picture of your common resources. Because you are in mediation to achieve win-win outcomes rather than to fight, the energy is focused on analysis rather than contention. At Boileau Conflict Solutions we can provide financial/legal analysis and/or individual financial coaching for one or both partners. Mediators are facilitators who let couples decide the best course for their future, so if you need your divorce mediation to build in a financial education component the process can be structured this way. If you need analysis or financial coaching by itself, or before you begin mediation, these services can also be offered as a consultation.

Understanding your Financial Perspective

People getting to grips with the full picture of their financial resources may be doing it from very different positions in life. The woman who has worked all her life but chosen not to handle the finances is in a different position than the woman who has raised the children and taken care of the household. The unifying theme in mediation is learning to value partners’ financial AND emotional, or time contributions so you can negotiate from a more realistic position. Many women may not assign value to their non-financial contributions. We use mathematical approaches such as game theory to help you make concrete calculations of your time and money. Women later in life and younger women also face different calculations about their financial futures. Whether your financial education involves getting to grips with social security and retirement, or coping with a mortgage or college debt, structuring your approach to these issues will make you more confident that there are no financial surprises in your future.

How We Can Help

Facing up to financial responsibility can be emotionally daunting. You need to feel grounded when you are doing it, and you need an approach that recognizes that financial and emotional needs are intertwined. We are caring, well-educated mediators who are skilled in applied financial mathematics, psychoanalysis, game theory and the law. We strive to efficiently comprehend your situation and its opportunities for sustainable and agreeable resolution. Any resolution you come to will be informed by a deeper analysis of the conflict that can be psychoanalytic and/or more financially-focused. Conflict analysis can result in a more optimized understanding of the net community property, which adds value to the overall estate, benefiting you both. Even if you are involved in protracted divorce litigation, it is not too late to break the impasse and turn to mediation instead. We provide high-level divorce mediation that is tailored to the needs of people with complex lives or finances. We also often work with people from different cultures or countries. You can visit us at our offices in Boulder, CO, Campbell, CA, Irvine, CA and Beverly Hills, CA. We can also be reached by Telephone, Zoom or Facetime. We are available 7 days a week and at urgent notice. Please contact us to see how we can help.

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