The old question of whether to stay together for the kids is often replaced these days with the question of when to divorce for the kids. Many studies have shown that divorce affects children differently at different ages, with some relief for the parents of small children, as science seems to suggest they bounce back better. Parents of older children and teenagers have a more difficult time on their hands though. A report from the University of London showed that children’s behavior, anxiety and mood got worse as they got older, and this difference was shown regardless of privilege. It’s hard to say whether this is because teenagers are more reactive, or whether the older a child gets the more access they have to adult emotions and conversations. It could be that parents aren’t managing their conversations with children properly. In turn, a report showed that maintaining a healthy relationship with children via electronic messaging services increased the wellbeing of the child, regardless of whether co-parents were fighting.

One of the benefits of mediation is that communication skills can be improved through the process. At Boileau Conflict Solutions, psychoanalytical tools and communication skills such as active listening are applied and modeled. In marital mediation they may be actively sought by partners wishing to come together. In divorce mediation divorcing partners can be seeking a resolution to their difficulties, which includes being good co-parents to their kids. In mediation it’s possible to agree on how to communicate with children and what topics will be on and off limits. Children can be present at some sessions if necessary so their voices can be heard. At Boileau Conflict Solutions our skillset specifically includes a high level of psychoanalytical knowledge and focus. We work with the developmental level and attachment styles of the child. It’s common for parents to use electronic tools specifically designed to help divorced parents cooperate. Creating a co-parenting schedule can go beyond arranging visits, it can help parents decide how regularly to message children, and how to keep communication healthy and focused on the child’s wellbeing.

Teenagers Need to be Heard

Another way that mediation can be very beneficial for divorces with teenagers is that it is an open facilitative process that can consider the needs of teenagers. Whether teenagers want to write down their feelings or be present at the mediation, the purpose of representing the child during mediation is not to gather “evidence” for one side, as in court, but to add information to a process that works towards mutual benefit. Parents who can gain a better understanding of their own conflict patterns through mediation can learn how to model better behavior for teenagers during a vulnerable time in which children often test their parents.

Who We Are and How We Can Help

We are caring, well-educated mediators who are skilled in applied financial mathematics, the law psychoanalysis, and game theory. We strive to efficiently comprehend your situation and its opportunities for sustainable and agreeable resolution. This may include a review of your parenting plan, spousal support calculations, community property equalization, settlement agreement, and all other aspects of your case. The sooner you can resolve your conflict, the sooner you can begin to craft a sustainable future for you and your children. If you are struggling in your marriage but don’t want to get divorced, we offer marital mediation that helps you resolve conflicts over a variety of issues from parenting, sexuality, finances, careers, family, spirituality, and more.  Our high-level divorce mediation services are tailored to the needs of people with complex lives or divorces that may be difficult or protracted. We can intervene to break litigation deadlocks when divorces are already underway. We work with individuals from several cultures and countries, and can help with national and international relocation issues associated with divorce. You can visit us at our offices in Campbell, CA, Irvine, CA and San Diego, CA. We can also be reached by Telephone, Zoom or Facetime. We are available 7 days a week and at urgent notice. Please contact us to see how we can help.

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