Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.

If you’ve sealed the deal, it must be twice-sealed when you’ve done the post-nup, so the logic would go… In fact prenups and post-nups are actually very complex agreements that can take a lot of working out. To build a post-nup or prenup that one party won’t feel the need to challenge, consent and transparency is critical. This is why it’s much better to mediate your prenup or post-nup rather than just sign on the dotted line. Mediated prenups and post-nups are generally solid agreements, based on trust. Parties who agree to something they don’t understand haven’t really participated in the agreement, and this can breed resentment and a feeling of being blindsided. Uneven power dynamics like in Lisa Marie Presley’s divorce can be particularly volatile breeding grounds for conflict. When your partner approaches you asking for a post-nup, ask to mediate first and you can save yourself a lot of trouble (and maybe still stay friends if you divorce!)

Lisa Marie Presley and her ex Michael Lockwood have very different accounts of how they came to an agreement: Lockwood’s lawyers claim he was blindsided by the agreement and given a day to sign, while Presley’s lawyers say the contract was clear and transparent. Lockwood was hired by Presley in 2003 to be his musical director and they agreed he would not work for anyone else. Whatever the truth behind their current conflict, this relationship was defined by uneven power dynamics from the beginning, and was a business relationship even before it was a personal one.

At Boileau Conflict Solutions, we have the tools to disentangle self-interest and uneven power dynamics, so that instead of confusion and conflict, there can be clarity and trust. Even a well-intentioned post-nup or prenup can be intimidating in a partnership where parties are not financial equals, let alone legal experts. Instead of landing a prenup or post-nup on the breakfast table, you can mediate instead. Mediation is a friendlier, more sensitive, and more intelligent way of making a deal that provides for you both in the event of divorce. If you are the partner who is pushing for the prenup or post-nup to protect your assets, you may want to consider whether a defensive prenup or post-nup really serves you in the end. These documents need to be drafted with extreme care to withstand legal challenges. The more uninformed your partner is, the more likely there will be conflict and difficulty enforcing the agreement. On the other hand, if your post-nup or prenup is challenged, you can also mediate the conflict rather than litigate it. This may involve settling your dispute and coming to a new agreement that meets both your needs.

How We Can Help

We are caring, well-educated mediators who are skilled in applied financial mathematics, the law, psychoanalysis, and game theory. We strive to efficiently comprehend your situation and its opportunities for sustainable and agreeable resolution. Another benefit to mediating your prenup or post-nup is that any decision you come to will be informed by a deeper, psychoanalytically focused analysis of the conflict. Prenups and post-nups are about defining needs so knowing what you actually want and need is critical. Mediating these issues cuts through some of the more confusing dynamics leading couples to act in ways that don’t serve themselves and/or the greater good. We also use mathematical approaches like game theory to help come to a more optimized understanding of the net community property, which adds value to the overall estate. Our specially trained divorce mediator-accountants can help reveal and investigate the proven financial facts of a divorce to make a full financial appraisal and to suggest creative solutions for financial planning after divorce. Our high-level divorce mediation services are tailored to the needs of people with complex lives or divorces that may be difficult or protracted. You can visit us at our offices in Boulder, CO, Campbell, CA, Irvine, CA and Beverly Hills, CA. We can also be reached by Telephone, Zoom or Facetime. We are available 7 days a week and at urgent notice. Please contact us to see how we can help.

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