If you have embarked on protracted litigation that’s hurting your peace of mind, your wallet and the ones you love, it’s likely that you feel trapped. The pressure to finish what you have started is something you may feel strongly, but impasse mediation can offer you a better way to conclude your divorce. If you’ve never pursued divorce mediation, you may think that mediation is about backing down and giving up control to your spouse. But remember, your attorneys have an ethical duty to “win” the battle and to maximize your perceived return. The perceived return, unfortunately for you, is difficult to adjust once you and your spouse have agreed to compete over it. If you are involved in protracted litigation, you can see your piece of pie gradually whittled down in a war of attrition. Meanwhile, your lawyers are using up your retainer and threatening whatever you hope to gain financially. Impasse mediation can redefine your goals so you actually gain more. Divorce mediation is cheaper than divorce litigation and typically resolves within a handful of sessions.

If your divorce is in deadlock you probably have a lot of questions. You may be too jaded to imagine embarking on a new process. You may be worried about working with an intractable spouse or losing the support of your attorneys who have advocated for you.

Some of the following questions can be easily answered to help you make your decision:

Will my mediation be successful?

The majority of mediations settle. Estimates are about 80 percent or more. You can feel confident that mediation will help you resolve your litigation deadlock in a constructive way. The value of mediation, aside from settlement, is to thoroughly analyze your situation and outline options the adversarial process of litigation would overlook. At Boileau Conflict Solutions, our mediators are skilled in applied financial mathematics, the law, psychoanalysis and game theory, allowing us to thoroughly review your situation and its opportunities for sustainable and agreeable resolution. We can review your parenting plan, spousal support calculations, community property equalization, the settlement agreement, and all other aspects of your case. This gives you a better chance of working out an agreement that will be acceptable to you both, and if necessary, a judge.

What if it’s difficult to work with or be in the same room as my spouse?

Mediation isn’t a one size fits all process. It can focus on both of you in conference or it can be geared towards private consultation and analysis of your case. At Boileau Conflict Solutions, we can either confidentially present you with a private analysis, or mediate the conflict with both of you until resolved. We are also able to engage in a psychoanalytic analysis of your conflict situation to help you understand yourself and your conflict partner-spouse. This deeper and objective analysis will help you think about your conflict in new ways, and in so doing, seek out new and creative options. This analysis can also help you better understand net community property, value all contributions — financial and otherwise — and achieve an optimized understanding of the net community property. When you can work together to evaluate taxes, future earnings etc. you can add value to your overall estate, which will benefit you both.

I trust my lawyer – do I have to give up that relationship?

You can still retain your lawyer if you choose mediation. Many people choose to have their attorneys review any agreements, or to remain in consultation with their attorneys. At Boileau Conflict Solutions, we use a variety of tools legal, mathematical, psychological and financial, to resolve disputes. We encourage a comprehensive process of conflict resolution that may involve other divorce or finance professionals, therapy, or even design professionals to help you move into and redesign your living space post-divorce (see our partners at 3 Riverz Creative).

What can mediation offer me that litigation can’t?

Mediation is faster and cheaper than litigation. It is a completely confidential process, protecting the privacy of you, your divorcing spouse and children. Mediation is not tied to legal procedure or arbitrary court dates, so it can be a flexible process that can happen at times and locations that suit your schedule. Impasse mediation can take a protracted divorce and analyze the potential for resolution in a variety of ways that a purely legal analysis could not. At Boileau Conflict Solutions we are able to perform objective psychoanalytic analysis of conflict, evaluation of interests and cooperative potentials using game theory, and acute financial analysis to make the best of your financial situation. Impasse mediation is particularly helpful if there are children involved. Our backgrounds in psychoanalysis make us sensitive to the individual and developmental needs of children. We are adept at crafting parenting plans for divorcing partners who may be carrying on a parenting relationship in different states or countries, and/or with busy schedules and complex lives. If you are deadlocked with your spouse over issues involving children, impasse mediation can give you a better chance of coming to an agreement that will suit you both. We can work with your attorneys if desired to draft parenting plans and agree on child support considerations in a way that is sustainable, fair and less likely to be challenged. Simply put, impasse mediation puts you both back in control of your divorce. At Boileau Conflict Solutions, we are expert problem-solvers who can take almost any situation and efficiently reorganize it to help find a satisfactory way forward, even when deadlocked. We are available 7 days a week and at urgent notice in crisis situations. You can call us on Skype, Zoom, Facetime or Telephone, or visit us at our offices in Irvine, CA, Campbell, CA or Boulder, CO. Please get in touch to see how we can restore your peace of mind and put your divorce back on track.

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